Flowers
One of Makayla’s favorite flowers was Viburnum. It’s a flower that blooms on a shrub this time of year, end of April, beginning of May, and only lasts for about a week and smells very similar to a Lilac. These shrubs sit right outside our bedroom window, which provides a beautiful view when looking outside. Makayla would always be the first to notice this flower, pick one and bring it to me with a huge smile on her face. That was Makayla! She would be the first one to give me a single flower or small bouquet from our yard each spring. It didn’t matter if it was a dandelion, daffodil or a Viburnum bloom, the JOY it brought her to hand me a token of her love fulfilled her hearts desire . She would find me wherever I was in the house and couldn’t wait to hand over her new-found treasure. As a mom, these tokens of love, or flowers, are what communicated her love language to me and I never took it for granted. I loved it!
Makayla passed away in our home May 28th, 2020. The paramedics came, and took her by ambulance to the closest hospital. Once we arrived, I remember sitting in the ER praying over her to “come back” and pleading with the Lord to send life back to her body. We sat there for two hours! It’s an experience I will never forget, but would also never want to relive. It’s a surreal feeling to see your child laying lifeless in front of you with having no other option than to pray. We needed her to stay here, we wanted her to continue her life on this earth and give that JOY she gave so effortlessly. But I knew in my heart that she had already passed on to be with Jesus, but I still couldn’t help whisper to her,
“You haven’t given me my first flower of spring yet, so you have to “come back”.
I think any momma’s heart in this situation would search for thousands of words to say in the hopes for the given reality to fade away. The words stated above were the first words that came to mind, and what I naturally spoke aloud. Deep within, the weight of this new reality hit me hard and I realized that everything had instantly changed, and my life as I had known was gone. I didn’t want to leave. I knew taking that first step would begin a new life that I wasn’t prepared for and wasn’t ready to carry. I wouldn’t have Makayla there to bring those small, but BIG, pops of joy and acts of love. I wouldn’t have my sweet girl in my life to see grow and blossom into a young lady, wife and mother; and it tore me apart. My heart knew that, but my words failed to reflect it. My heart knew those days were gone, and it started aching in a way I had never experienced. Losing a child has no words of expression, only heartache, pain and emptiness.
Fast forward 2 1/2 months later to August 10th, which is Makayla’s birthday, I expected a day full of tears, but what I experienced that day made a heart full of sorrow turn joyful! I had several door-knock flower deliveries all day long. The photo below depicts the amount of hand delivered flowers I received on what would have been Makayla’s 12th birthday. I remember when the tears would flow, I would hear the doorbell ring and another flower arrangement would be waiting for me. It was as if Makayla rained down bouquets from heaven on her birthday, as a way to say,
“I heard you mommy but I waited for this day to shower you with love to make up for what I couldn’t give you before I went Home. I love you!”
These flower arrangements mostly came from our homeschool family community and my immediate family. I believe it was a nudge from the Holy Spirit laid upon each heart to make their way to my home that day with a token of love. It made all the difference for me on Makayla’s birthday!
This year, my daughter Isabella took the reins and handed me the below bouquet of Viburnum blooms in remembrance of her sister, Makayla. It came as a selfless act from her heart to bring a little joy and carry on what Makayla would have done. It was a very special moment and is what prompted me to write this blog post.
