A New Hat
There’s nothing like wearing a new piece of clothing! Am I right? It’s like driving in a clean car or sleeping in a bed of fresh sheets! It’s human nature to want to enjoy that newness as soon as possible!
I got a new hat over the weekend, and the first thing I did after putting it on was look at myself in the mirror. As I looked back at the reflection, I couldn’t help notice ‘Sunday’ sitting on top of my bed in the background staring at me. I had to snap a photo.
Some days I look at ‘Sunday’ and smile! I think back to the day Makayla gave it to me and am filled with joy by the memory. In this snap shot, when I gazed in the mirror and saw ‘Sunday’ on the bed, my imagination took over. I like to think the grin etched on that pillow is Makayla smiling back at me and saying, “I like your new hat mommy”. She was my biggest fan, always full of compliments and observing everything. I quickly envisioned her looking at me, as I looked at myself in the mirror, admiring the fact that I got something new, or how nice I looked in my new hat or possibly asking me if she could have a new hat too. I picture her laying on the bed, asking me questions about what we are doing for the day or what we are having for lunch. She always needed to know the plan of the day. All this takes place in my minds-eye in seconds. It’s my version of grieving and it helps!
Other days I look at ‘Sunday’ and my heart breaks because I’m reminded of all those things I had with Makayla. She was precious beyond words and I miss it so much! In many ways, I was robbed of having countless more precious moments with a happy, loving and beautiful daughter. It makes me angry. It breaks my heart a little deeper. There are certain times of the day still that I find it hard to believe the truth behind what we experienced. What we went through happened without warning, and with no control over the outcome. This is reality for me as a mom, and the “cross” I pick up every morning. It’s not a path I would want for any parent to walk.
And this is only because of a hat and a pillow.
In the light of the ups and downs of grieving, the Lord has shown me His sustaining love and grace, every single day. He continues to reveal Himself to me in the quiet and the chaos, which helps to lift the heavy load of grief for a moment. It is getting better. Grief has it’s process, and for each going through the valley, it will be different. I can confidently say this, I know Him in more ways that I didn’t two years ago. I feel His presence better and understand His heart where I couldn’t two years ago. I love Him deeper and find Joy in His promises that I didn’t understand prior to her diagnosis. I can truly say I wasn’t aware of the fullness of what He accomplished at the cross back then- I know better now. This is the power of the Holy Spirit that works within me.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7
*If you don’t know who ‘Sunday’ is click the button below, it will take you to the post that explains it all. It’s the one of 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘚𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 🙂
