Dear Makayla,

Happy 13th Birthday sweet girl! I wish with all my heart that you were here to celebrate your birthday with us, or if it was possible, for me to catch a glimpse into Heaven to see what you’re doing today. Do you celebrate birthdays in Heaven? Are there extra flowers to explore and bigger butterflies to catch on this special day? Are there mountains of ice cream, rainbows you can walk on or fireworks you can reach out and grab ahold of? Whatever it is, I know you are joyously walking around, with your beautiful smile and enjoying whatever you see.  Every part of me longs to see you, hug you, and say “I love you Makayla, and welcome to the teenage years!” only to hear you say, “I love you too Mommy, and it’s good to finally be here!”

I will always feel honored on this day, August 10th, for it was this day 13 years ago YOU gave me the greatest gift; the title of Mom!

I’ve often heard the teenage years are challenging. I turn a deaf ear to that though, because I believe you would have been the example of those to follow!  You would have been a delight to watch and witness the stages of these years of growth & maturity. I believe with every new experience you would have faced, you would have taken the time to ask your questions and seek understanding. That is not to say trials and tribulations would not have existed for you, but I know in my heart you would have walked through it with love and grace. You were naturally born to display those gifts, and bring the example of JOY into a room. I always looked forward to watching you be a “young adult”. Even when you were young, I envisioned you loving the teenage years. As a mother looks into the future with hopeful eyes, I always saw you as one that would stick out in the crowd of confusion. You were always wise beyond your years, even at the young age of 8, 9, & 10! I don’t think that would have faded away the day you turned 13. God created you very special. I have to believe you would have excelled in your journey of leading an honest life, and looking for ways to love others. 

I know I will see you again and we will walk those heavenly streets together someday. But I am not “home” yet, and still live in a world where pain and suffering still exists.  It’s not fair how many times a heart can break without having closer or clarity. A piece of me went with you the day you went “home” and with that a piece of my heart broke that hasn’t healed, and I’m not sure it ever will. I seek the peace that only the Lord can give every day. I know my tears, words and groans of the heart will not be wasted. Jesus sees it all and will one day redeem it all. I miss you sweet pea beyond what words can express. If there was a way to send this letter to Heaven with a big hug and kiss… I would! 

Today, we released 13 aqua balloons in remembrance of you, sweet girl!

I love you very much! Happy Birthday!