Capturing His Grace

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The Journey Begins

Words like: side effects, chemo, radiation, tumor, biopsy, diagnosis, surgery, disease, CANCER all brought on a new meaning to our family in April of 2019. Our daughter, Makayla, was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor on April 17th 2019. Our world completely changed from one day to the next.

The beginning:

Makayla had been complaining of stomach pains one day and like most parents, we thought it was indigestion or possibly the start of a stomach bug. The pains persisted the next day, along with a fever, and her stomach felt really firm to the touch. Naturally, my husband and I thought not to wait and to bring her to the doctor thinking, at most, there could be an issue going on with her appendix. We were wrong! The doctor’s office sent her to the emergency room, after a four-hour long wait, Makayla was finally triaged and examined. The nurses and doctor suggested a CT Scan right away based on her symptoms and pain she was experiencing. At 11:45pm she was scanned. After review of the image, the doctor came back into the room and said,

“We found a large mass on your daughters left kidney. It’s pretty big in size, looks like it’s been there for a long time. We are arranging for an ambulance to send her to Lutheran General; they have a great Oncology team there that can better help your daughter.”

What?!!

As fast as my heart and mind were racing, my first response was, “What does Oncology mean?” I had no clue.

“It’s a cancer doctor”, the nurse replied back to me.

My heart broke into a million pieces at that moment. I remember having to keep calm, my little girl was watching; she watched everyone, paid attention to every word, every reaction, she was always very observant. I couldn’t show my emotion or break down in front of her like I really wanted. Fighting back the tears and trying to breath, all I could manage to say was, “Oh!” What else could I say? I wanted to erase those words from existence and replace them with, “Your daughter has a stomach bug.” I cannot recall any conversation after that moment. Everything seemed to be in slow motion around me as thoughts bounced around in my mind, consuming my attention . This can’t be happening? This wasn’t supposed to be a part of our story! Lord, why?

Makayla’s left kidney and a large 10cm mass was removed two days later. She also had a port placed in her chest that would help to administer chemotherapy. She remained in the hospital a week, doing physical therapy, and recovery.

The words stated above, side effects, chemo, radiation, tumor, biopsy, diagnosis, surgery, disease, CANCER quickly became common in conversations the next weeks after her diagnoses. I rarely could bring myself to say them out loud. I felt I would be giving them life or finalizing what the days ahead would look like for my daughter. I used to associate those words with “other people”, definitely not my own daughter and not in the walls of our home. However, reality won, and I had to get on the fast track of treatment schedules and side effects and communicating to others what was going on. In a way, I had to “grow-up” and mature in this arena or I would be lost.

This picture was taken two weeks into her radiation therapy. Through it all, Makayla never complained! She was always cooperative and willing to go with the flow. She became a warrior!