God, I Miss Her

It’s the unexpected little things that unravel me! Today, it is this photo!

Most people have not seen this picture. It was taken in the hospital after a mid-night run to the ER when Makayla spiked a fever. Those were the days of packing the necessities at 8-9 o’clock at night, driving an hour to the hospital, waiting long hours for test results, blood work, and room assignment. Plus, the weariness that comes with not knowing how long she would need to stay, the pokes, medications, transfusions, unending questions, hard conversations, nurses, doctors, and staff coming and going at all hours of the day... it was all exhausting! Those were hard days!

As parents, we had to keep it altogether and show little emotion. Rather, we decided to show a lot of love and encouragement... any parent would under these circumstances. There were so many times I could have broken down and let my fears or concern show, but I kept it all tucked inside to protect Makayla’s spirit and warrior attitude. I know Mike did the same.

This picture, among others, was taken the morning after very little sleep. I remember a nurse walking in the room at about 9:00am, asking if we’d like our picture professionally taken by a foundation called @flashesofhope. I couldn’t say no.. I love pictures and to be honest, wasn’t taking many those days, so this was a gift to me! I’m so glad I said ‘yes’!

She looks so beautiful doesn’t she?
Her smile, her sparkle, her love.. I can still see it within this picture. I miss it so much. I miss seeing her face, I miss hearing her voice, her hugs, her infectious attitude .. everything!